Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
