Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
