I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
