I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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