i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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