god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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