I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
zippers are such a cool invention
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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