what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
