Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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