My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
