R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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