bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
