If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
