Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
How does it feel to date your dad?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize