I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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