idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
