My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
