thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
honey bunches of taint.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
