I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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