She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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