I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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