Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
