My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize