Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
