I think my fart just growled at me.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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