im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
