anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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