even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
