How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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