dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
