soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
