If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She even gives head with a lisp.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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