I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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