we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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