Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Randomize
