I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
