The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
