Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My feet surprised me
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