My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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