I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
