I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
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