if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
