I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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