seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
