gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
cat food counts as protein by the way
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
