do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
