she sounds like chewbacca in bed
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
