Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
