I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
