I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Randomize
