mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
