Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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