if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize