I wanna passion pit in your ass
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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