Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize