Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
