I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
