Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just google imaged poop.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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