get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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