Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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