Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
