Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
