All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
