Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
