So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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