I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
