Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
