even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
