I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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